I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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