There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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