how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
