And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
