Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
