I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
