I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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