only you would photoshop your dick
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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