You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
