Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
