i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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