We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
