He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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