I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
