I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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