I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
