maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
