A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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