thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
