I just threw up on my dentist
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
