hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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