I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
