get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
