You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
