dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
