so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
