Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
