It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
