i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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