I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
