Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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