Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you win again, gameday.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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