Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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