Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
