i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
