I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
