What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
