I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
