so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this just has baby written all over it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Text me some of your sweat
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