I heard we made out
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
