Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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