I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
