Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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