I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am available for nakedness
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
