I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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