Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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