We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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