Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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