If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
