My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
