No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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