Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
